On Happiness.

A lot of girls think that everything will be better once, ‘that cute boy asks them out’, or they get invited to the ‘cool’ party or they get elected home coming queen or once they have sex. So many of us make loving ourselves depended upon something outside of ourselves. So many of us make being complete, depended on being with someone else and being fulfilled, depended on accomplishment. But it’s not someone else’s job to make us happy. It’s your job to make yourself happy and to know who you are, and if you don’t know yourself, or love yourself, how do you expect someone else to.”

-Lucy Camden, 7th Heaven

Just a little something I posted on my Tumblr site yesterday. It was the day I saw so many quotes that hit me hard in the heart, because I was hating on everything at the moment. Hating my life, hating myself, hating the world for being unbelievably cruel. I was so angry that nothing good ever came my way–that I wasn’t falling in love or finishing my thesis like everybody else. I don’t know where all the bitterness came from, but it’s been building up lately, and I couldn’t shake it off, because I felt like I had a right to feel bad. But then I remembered some parts of Eminem’s lyrics in Airplanes Part 2:

“Let’s pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen
let’s pretend things would have been no different
pretend he procrastinated had no motivation
pretend he just made excuses that were so paper thin they could blow away with the wind…”

“…he never risked shit he hopes and he wished it but it didn’t fall in his lap so he ain’t even here…”

(Read more: http://www.killerhiphop.com/b-o-b-airplanes-2-lyrics-eminem/#ixzz0yetWkVIc)

And then I realized, if I don’t feel good at present, it means I messed up in the past, and so if I want a good future, I need to work on it. Just because I don’t feel inspired or motivated by anything, doesn’t mean I have the right to go around saying “I don’t care anymore, I quit” or “stfu about graduation!” Although naturally I don’t really say that. The point is, I should stop this unhealthy living of mine of waiting for inspiration to come (aka happiness) so that I can finally work diligently again. It might never come, and things don’t just fall on our laps. I’ve got to take the bull that is my thesis by the horns and stop making excuses. I’ve got to work.

…After I’ve had dinner. Nobody can work on an empty stomach.

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